What is it inside our heads


I’m not a happy camper. I can’t say that I ever truly have been, although I certainly have moments of excitement, joy, and happiness. Sometimes it bothers me more than others and lately I’ve been in a period where it bothers me.  The thing is that there are very few people who really understand this. Well, there might be more people that do but I’m pretty selective about who I share things with. I don’t know that most people would know me well enough to understand the depth discontentedness. I feel like I can get a pretty good sense of someone who’s in that spot in their lives. It’s not people who tragically depressed and filled with drama, the ones who fall apart over everything. I’m sure they’re hurting in their own ways. The people I feel most connected to are the one who are going through the motions because they can’t figure out what else to do. You hear it in a smart ass remark they make or a even something as simple as a sigh, and you can tell that they are someone you could talk to. They’re the ones who own the fact that they’re probably making bad decisions, and are willing to talk about the fact that they have no clue how to make it better. They certainly won’t know the answer to whatever life issue you’re dealing with, but they’ll understand the question. They are the ones I trust the most and who know that the charming, friendly person I am at work is just a portion of who I really am. I’m fortunate that I have friends who really do get it

While I was at work I  was listening to The Librarian by My Morning Jacket and this verse came on:

What is it inside our heads
that makes us do the opposite
makes us do the opposite
of what’s right for us?

Love that. It’s what I want to know but I suppose it depends on how you define right. Things don’t feel right with me but I can’t figure out what would make it right. A new car and a house? That would probably help. I don’t even think I would need a real job. I’m actually fine with my job. I would like to be happy. I would like to just wake up one morning and be happy. I think. Because being happy would bring with it an entirely different set of complications. And so my brain continues to work.


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