Beware the ruminator

14Dec11

Isn’t that what the kids say these days?

As I was driving to work the other day I was getting caught up in thinking about things, as I often do. I realized how much time I spend thinking about things in my head and truly how much of my life is lived in my head. I am often so lost in thought that I will startle when I see someone. I’m thinking about my life, what I’ve done, what I have to do, why other people do the things they do. I second guess myself, I think about what I should be doing instead of what I am doing, then spend a little time beating myself up about it. I try to figure out what motivates other people. I sing songs, I remember Simpsons quotes, and my college ID number, I try to calculate the possible license plate combinations using factorials. My brain is just in a permanent on position. It’s what keeps me awake at night.

I don’t know how I get out of my head. Not just in the way that I can be somewhat OCD and focus on people, but also in the way that I just spend a lot of time thinking about life in general and not a lot of chance to off load all my thoughts. I don’t know that I’m ever really attune to whatever it is that I’m doing without having inner thoughts come creeping into my head. The annoying part is that they’re there all the time, and it’s hard to get rid of them. Well unless I’m hopped up on Ambien which I am tonight. It’s part of the joy of the drug.

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