Grown up

02Sep11

Today’s kindy orientation made me question how much of a grown-up I was. I always compare myself to other people and feel like I’m lacking. I can sometimes ignore the lurking things, like my tiny apartment, my ancient car, and my laughable income. But then I go to something like this and it just reminds me that we really don’t belong in this neighborhood of over-educated, stay-at-home, Volvo-wagon driving moms. I never pictured myself living in an apartment with kids. (In fact when I was married the first time I listed my coworker as a beneficiary on my life insurance because she and her husband were both hard working people with three kids, living in an apartment. I knew they would probably never be able to afford a house. And now look, that’s me. Maybe I earned some karma in doing that for her.) I can’t imagine inviting someone from Maggie’s school to our house. Although maybe she’ll end up being the social outcast I predict and then we won’t have to worry about it.

Work is also making me feel not very grown up. We have sort of a crazy environment there which helps us cope with the frustrating and stressful aspects of our jobs. At the same time I feel like I struggle with the boundaries between supervisor and “underling”. Yes that’s how I refer to my coworkers. I want to be goofy and have fun with them. I’m professional when I need to be, but I’m naturally a pretty inappropriate person so it’s hard to not want to join in. And if I admit it, I want my coworkers to like me. What that leads to is a situation where my authority isn’t respected and where I can probably be taken advantage of. I feel a little like a hypocrite if I start cracking the whip though, since I can be a bit of a slacker as well. But I do think things have gotten a little too laid back at the workplace. I need to suck it up, be a grown up and face stuff head on.

I suppose I could generalize that to almost every aspect of my life.

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